i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
