my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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