Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
