As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
