went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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