She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
