Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
