It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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