you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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