I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you never un-have a 4some
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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