Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
