its not stalking. its research.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
