I'm so fucking centered right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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