just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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