First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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