"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
