Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
