it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
