They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
zippers are such a cool invention
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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