What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
