The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
