Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
40s are totally the cure
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
