sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
