so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
