Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
