How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
