If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
