my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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