I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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