who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
