You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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