If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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