Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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