I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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