I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
