Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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