She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
