dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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