upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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