oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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