Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I died a long time ago.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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