How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
