Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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