After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
