Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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