did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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