When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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