how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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