I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
