Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
