sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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