ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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