Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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